How to Get Discipline
At age 16, I believed I would be 30 by the time I would be able to get to a point where I could do whatever I want. That dream of “Do whatever I want…” was still alive and well for me as age 30 approached, especially for an immigrant kid who had always had a to-do list of things “I must do so that I can…” get to what I wanted to do. I was willing to dream it, believe it. I was willing to take risks to get it. But in fact, I was far from it as 30 approached.
I had a deep belief in what I wanted to accomplish in my life. I had connected with the people who had done it before and had studied them closely. What am I doing wrong?! I thought to myself… It wasn’t adding up.
I had gotten good at pausing and reflecting. I had gotten great at visualizing the things that I wanted. I even took risks, like quitting my six-figure finance job and starting my own company. I had even had success already, and my software company was just starting to do well with employees, an office and amazing customers.
Truth is, by the time I turned 30, I had developed only half of the Unstoppable Life system that I talk about in this book. The word Unstoppable hadn’t even entered my psyche yet. There was a critical component that was still missing in my life: Discipline.
Having Belief, true Belief, in what you want, gets you to start taking real action -- as I had in my life. But that is only half of the equation. At age 30, I was working 90-hour weeks. I was burnt out. I was waking up every morning and jumping right at it every single day. But this was still that “BEFORE” in my life. I hadn’t yet mastered Discipline.
Before Roger Bannister broke the four-minute-mile record, he failed countless times at achieving that goal. Before he set his sights on that goal, he failed at earning a medal while competing in the Olympics. It is the story since the beginning of time of a person who has experienced “overnight” success: It took years of hard work, mistakes, overcoming obstacles, and life lessons to get to that moment of “success.”
At that moment as I tried to figure out “What am I missing?!” I realized two critical things that rounded out my beliefs regarding an Unstoppable life:
The biggest lie we are ever told in our life is that we get to a point where there are no more problems in our lives. Truth is, there are always going to be good days and bad days, problems and challenges. The key to living an Unstoppable life is embracing this truism, but committing to solve BIGGER problems that have BIGGER rewards, every single day, and determination to grow so much stronger that yesterday’s problems seem like an inconvenient speed bump.
The road to success is a marathon and not a sprint, and is riddled with setbacks and speed bumps, and only those who take definitive and smart action and who have staying power actually get to realize their dreams. This is where Discipline comes in.
I could’ve given up at 30. I could’ve said “This isn’t working. Maybe my dream is too big, maybe it isn’t achievable.” Instead, I doubled down on my Belief and strived to understand what I was missing. I mastered Discipline.
And at age 31, I accomplished one of the early stages of my dream. We grew the company to a critical inflection point which allowed us to raise a large round of investment from a venture capital firm.
If it weren’t for Discipline, I wouldn’t have gotten there. As I look back, it is truly frightening to realize that I was so close to giving up just moments before accomplishing my dream.
Discipline is:
― Treating life like a marathon that we are running, instead of a sprint where we hold our breath until we get to this mythical finish line where all our problems go away. Treating life like a marathon where we get better and better in all aspects of our life, instead of a sprint where we forsake love, health, and just about everything else, just to reach a point of success that may not taste as sweet as we think.
― Recognizing that in order to win this marathon, we have to learn to have Discipline today so that we will not experience regret tomorrow. It means that we must prioritize the right things while tending to all the important things. It means that we have to master the art of consistency in the daily actions that allow us to run the marathon.
― Most importantly, Discipline is the art of constantly keeping our bigger goals crystal-clear in our mind, taking purposeful action consistently every day, while remembering to enjoy the moment instead of holding our breath only for the reward at the end.
Roger Bannister kept failing. But he mastered the art of Discipline and doubled down on his Belief to finally break the four-minute--mile barrier. Shortly after he did so, many other athletes followed.
There’s a famous saying that originated with Persian Sufi Poets and that has been repeated across religions and philosophies, and has even been used by great orators like Abraham Lincoln: THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
This is one of my most favorite mantras in life, particularly in my quest to become Unstoppable, because it reminds me of a simple idea. If I’m having the best day of my life, this too shall pass. If I’m having the worst day of my life, this too shall also pass. It reminds us of the impermanence of the moments in our lives and of the “status” that we seek in our lives. It’ll all pass.
So, I choose to smile and constantly practice Discipline through the bad times, even at age 30. In the moments when we are celebrating a win, I smile and revel in the moment, because I know this will pass. In the moments when I’m facing adversity and pain and fear, I still smile, because I appreciate the impermanence of this situation and know that I have the tools in front of me to go punch the adversity in the face.
That mantra led me to rely on another favorite mantra of mine, one I learned when I was working for Ray Dalio at Bridgewater Associates, a famed hedge fund investor and the author of the book PRINCIPLES. Whenever we found ourselves facing a difficult situation or a complex challenge, he’d always remind us: THESE ARE JUST PROBLEMS. PROBLEMS HAVE SOLUTIONS.
Much as we were trained early in life to think we have to work to get to a point where we are “happy” and have zero problems, the same people lied to us and taught us to buckle down and crumble in the face of problems.
Ray always reminded us, “Look, these are just problems. Nothing more, nothing less. All problems have solutions. It’s up to you, your creativity, your intellect, and your power, to find the solution (usually just one of many) to overcome the problem you are facing. All problems have solutions.”